Family
Constellations
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Family
Constellations
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Practice
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ReikiDharma.com
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A family constellation can be described as an interactive but totally spontaneous role-play. This role-play is conducted by a capable therapist. I will now describe quickly how a family constellation is done: First of all it is necessary to work with a group of people*. The ideal group would be of about twenty participants, in equal numbers of men and women. It is not possible to do a family constellation with the actual family members, because they are prejudiced as to where the problem in the family lies. And this is the trick: if we could rely on the client to tell us what the actual problem is, we would not need any further therapy. But the fact is that the client tries to fool the therapist into believing a certain theory. This theory is devised to lure the therapist away from the problem. After all, who wants to look at the soreness in the own soul. Choosing the representatives The person setting up their family constellation or the therapist then chooses representatives for his/her family members from the group. Women are chosen to represent female family members, men are chosen to represent men. It does not matter if there are physical or emotional similarities between the chosen representatives and the real person. It does not matter who is chosen. Age does not matter much, but it may be a good idea to work with people over age 22, even though it has been successfully done with children as well. As soon as the representatives are chosen they are placed in relation to each other in the room, representing the mental picture the client has of his/her family. The therapist then goes through a process of adjusting this picture in several steps to re-create harmony. All the while he/she keeps checking back with the representatives, to see how they feel both physically and emotionally. In the beginning steps of a constellation, the representatives usually feel uneasy and misplaced. The "goal" is to restore harmony in the constellation until in the end picture every one of the representatives involved is satisfied. And this is extremely visual. For in the end of a session you will SEE the difference written all over the participants faces and bodies. The details of a session The participants are asked not to talk about what they have experienced in the group to outsiders later on, to respect everyone's privacy. The therapist asks the client certain questions about their family. For example: How many members does your family have? Was either of the spouses engaged, married or in a long-term relationship prior to the marriage? Were there any deaths in the family? Were there any serious diseases or accidents? Where there any violent crimes? Were or are there any family secrets? The therapist briefs the representatives quickly. They are told to be as total as possible, and to stay serious. It is explained to them that they do play a role and that that role will come to an end the moment the constellation is completed. When they enter a constellation they will be feeling the emotions of the family members they represent and they need to be crisply aware of that fact. Any emotion or physical feeling in a family constellation is that of the person represented. Personal feelings, thoughts and emotions usually do not get mixed up with it. The representatives are asked to keep their eyes open during the constellation and to follow the instructions of the therapist. They should not take action on their own, but get the therapists attention and ask whether or not they can say something, share their feeling, or make any physical movement. The proper attitude of the therapist It is vital that the therapist seemingly decides the course of action. I use the word seemingly here, because the actual fact is that the therapist decides nothing at all. He or she is to stay empty inside, with no desire to "do" anything at all. He or she works with what is. There is no desire to change anything, no desire to heal anyone, or achieve any goal whatsoever. The therapist works with reality the way it manifests itself. If a family can be brought back into a harmonious state, good. If not, that is also good and must be acknowledged. I will explain this in more detail a little later on. The representatives are led into the middle of the room and then the client explains to the group, and the therapist, whom each person represents. During the whole procedure the client is asked to be quiet and collected. If, for example, we are dealing with a family of four, a representative for husband, wife and two children is chosen. Now the client takes each representative by their shoulders and gently places them somewhere in the room, without sculpting their body posture. One person after the other is placed in the room in relation to the other family members. This constellation, the client is told, is to represent his/her inner picture of his/her family. The client is not encouraged to think it over, but just to follow his/her innermost feeling. When everyone is placed the therapist asks the client once more whether or not the picture is now perfect, and if it isn't to make last minute adjustments. Working with a couple If both partners in a couple are present at the time of setting up their family, the therapist lets one partner do it first and then asks the other whether or not they do agree with what their partner has set up. If they don't agree, they are asked to make changes. The therapist then chooses the rather dramatic of the two versions. An experienced therapist will be able to see which constellation is closer to the truth. The work begins As soon as the constellation is set up, the client and the therapist sit down for a while and let the picture develop. What happens is rather strange for first time onlookers. When we place a number of family members of a certain family in relation to one another, we create an energy field. For some reason the representatives- who do not know the real family members whom they represent- will begin to feel emotions that are not theirs. These emotions, thoughts and even physical symptoms belong to the person they represent. Once when I set up my family of origin, the Japanese representative of my father began to talk like him, using the same words my father uses, even physically resembling my dad. Can you imagine a thirty-five year old Japanese man looking like an eighty year old German? It is quite an entertainment! Another time we were working on Chetna's family and the person representing her brother looked and acted just like him. When we showed him a picture of Chetna's brother afterwards he couldn't stop laughing uncontrollably and said: "Now I know why my face felt like it did!" Even physical symptoms are often felt: a little while ago I represented someone's brother and my leg hurt so much that I could hardly stand up. We found out later on that the brother had a physical problem with that leg. Another time I represented someone's father and I felt my heart rhythm going out of whack. We later learned that the father had had a stroke some time ago... In any case, you do not have to worry about these symptoms, they are weak compared to the real thing, and, they do go away quickly after the constellation is completed and the energy field is dissolved. The funny thing is that anyone will be able to get in tune with the person they represent. It does not take a psychic or someone who is extremely sensitive. The first assesment After a few minutes of silence, the therapist will have a good idea of what is happening in the family by watching the actual constellation, the relation that each of the members have to one another, and to all the others as a group. The first picture is usually one either disharmony or confusion or a bit of both. If a first picture is too beautiful, you can be sure that it has not been properly set up and the client is trying to hide something. But even that will come to the light by the reactions of the representatives, who will feel misplaced, angry, disconnected or bored... Looking at the body postures of each representative, their facial expression, their breathing, skin color and so on will reveal a lot. Now the therapist goes around and asks each representative how they feel. The course of action By the feedback of the representatives, their physical position in the constellation and the intuition of the therapist, the course of action is decided. This can not be described furhter, since every family constellation is different, and takes its own unique path. The therapist is required to be compassionate yet firm, always paying attention to the welfare of the whole family. The Solution A family constellation session may take between five and forty- five minutes. The therapist aims at finding a solution in which each family members feels content.
Copyright © 2003 by Frank Arjava Petter |
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Frank
Arjava Petter |